It has been such a long time since I posted a blog. So much has happened too! Like 10 blog posts worth of material. First thing is that I am no longer in Nanchang. I am now in the beautiful city of Hangzhou. It is truly lovely here. I’ll definitely post a video showing everyone the beauty of West Lake.
When I was thinking what to write about. I was tempted to write about a happy memory I have so many of those since moving to Hangzhou. My last post was a sad one. However , I think it is very important to share my experiences about my emotionally abusive ex boyfriend. Maybe one of my readers is going through a similar situation. Hopefully my story will give them the strength to kick the creep to curb.
Jason came sometimes into my life a time that I was extremely vulnerable. I was at my weakest. I just wanted to be loved. In China, sometimes it is difficult for bigger girls to find love. This is not always the case, my friend and fellow blogger Life Behind the Wall has to beat them away with a stick. I think we all need to bottle up whatever she has.
Back track 5 months ago, I was having issues leaving the university in Nanchang. They were making things extremely difficult. They tend to do that when you are leaving a school. I was frustrated and lost my temper with them. This is a very bad thing because you are labeled as dangerous. There was one foreign teacher who got so frustrated by them that he threw a chair. I only slammed a door.
I needed reinforcements to come down to help me. Someone who knew a great deal about Chinese culture. A month before my friend intoduced me to this guy named Jason. Jason was good looking and was attracted to black girls. He also lived in Hangzhou, the city that I would be moving to! New job, new man! I was so excited. My life was looking a bit brighter. He even liked dogs. He found a stray dog and took it in. AWWWWWWW!!!!! Jason was my Prince Charming in my eyes. I took a trip to Hangzhou to meet him and we spent an amazing weekend together. I was in love!!!! I already secured an apartment in Hangzhou. Jason and I decided to live together, Oh just a sidenote, relationships in China tend to move rather quickly.
Then shit fit the fan at my school, I needed a clean up man. Well Jason f Jason and Ihe bill. He was Chinese. My friend who knew him told him about my problems that I might have to go back to America because my school was refusing to give documentation to me that was necesary to begin the Visa process at my new school. Now my only crime was slamming the freaking door.
So Jason comes to Nanchang bearing gifts and bribes for school officials. Now the Jason that came to Nanchang was very different than the man I spent hours talking to on Weixin(social app for the phone) H ewas very angry and a bit mean. I contributed it to the situation. He negotiated daily with my school even had to pay them money. The negotiations lasted for 3 days.
During that time he lashed out at me because I did not cook for him, had no food in my house(i was moving to Hangzhou in a week). I was a bad housekeeper. He also didn’t like my toy poodle Baobao, who slept on the bed. I again thought that this was due to stress and just took all the emotional abuse, afterall this guy, my knight came down to help me. He took leave from his job to help clean up my mess.
He helped me pack my things. Yes, he got the necesary paperwork for me. He treated some of my favorite students to dinner. According to him, none of these students liked me. He said they told him in Chinese that he can get a better Chinese girl and why would he be with someone like me who was fat and ugly. He then told me that none of them were my friends and that I was stupid to believe that they liked.
When we were on the bus , he told me many people on the bus thought that I was a man. This continued and escalated as we settled into Hangzhou. Soon he was saying things like no Chinese people actually liked me because I was fat and Chinese people hate fat people. He hated my natural hair. He really didn’t like the way that I looked. He said that I was lucky that he was patient enough to give me time to fix my flaws. Also everyday he would bring up the Nanchang Incident as proof of what he did for me.
During this time he also began isolating me from my friends. The friend who set me up with him became public enemy number one. He felt she was a wanton woman. He said that she did not come to help me when I needed help. He was the only person that I could depend on. Now 5 months later, I realized that he was trying to cut me off from my support group. So he could control me. The scary thing is that he almost succeeded. His downfall was that he became too controlling and mean. In a sense my poodle saved me.
After Peanut died, I got an older dog, a toy poodle named BaoBao. I think he was over 4 years old. I dressed him up and he became my close companion. He barely understood me because he only understood Chinese. I loved that dog. Jason started to beat my dog. He also beat his dog. Chinese people have a different way of raising dogs than Americans, however I still think Jason was extremely abusive. He would beat them for over 20 minutes until they defecated.
During that period, I hated the person that I became, I did nothing to help the poor dogs. Poor Baobao looked so sad, his eyes were pleading with me to save him. I was so beaten down, I had no strength. I knew that what Jason was doing was wrong, but was so emotionally crippled and powerless. I was a ghost during that time barely alive. I didn’t want Jason to get mad at the dogs and hurt them. I tried to cover up for them. One day BaoBao pooped in Jason’s shoes. this happened during Spring Festival. We were both off work. Jason locked the dogs in the cage for 3 days and would not give them food and water. I begged and pleaded with him. I went to get them water and food. He banged the table and said next time it would be my face if I did not listen to him.
After that he said he could not have children or marry someone who loved animals so much. He said it was unnatural and that I would make a terrible mother. He also said that he did not want to have children with me because our child would be stigmatized because they would be half black. He didn’t like the way Blasian children looked. During this time my heart was turning away from him. This was due to his ill-treatment of the dogs and my anger of him causing a rift between my friend. Plus I realized that he did not love me. Yet he was still there.
Meanwhile i was trying to find a safe place for BaoBao, I failed miserably in protecting him from danger. I was a bad mom to him. Jason threatened to kill him. He said one day he would kill the dog and eat him. Jason and I began to argue constantly, I was fed up with the abuse. after our fights he would leave home for days. . Those days that he was gone, I felt relief. The dogs were happy that he was gone.But he always came back. He made a big pretense of leaving me. I found people who fell in love with BaoBao, they also wanted to take Jason’s dog. I was honest about the level of abuse. Jason refused to give up his dog. He was not home when i texted him.
During the times he was away, I reconciled with my friends in China. I told my friends everything that occurred with Jason. They idea how intense things got. My divas gave me strength and love. My one friend in Hangzhou never gave up on me.
The straw that broke the camel’s back was when the rent was due. Jason refused to contribute any money. In China, you have to pay 3 month rent in advance. Jason refused to pay a portion of the rent. I was still getting probationary pay, so it would just be enough and i could not have enough to survive. All of a sudden I saw red. The rent became my sole responsibility! The bastard was on the lease! I broke up with him, I was so upset I told him to leave and he refused. I began hyperventilating. Then he began to at nice trying to get me to calm down. I called my friend and she said call the police.
Calling the police when you don’t know the language is a harrowing yet comical experience, however there was an officer who knew English and policemen were sent to my home. I had to go to the station with Jason and file reports. I told the English-speaking officer all about Jason. My friend who speaks fluent Chinese also spoke to the officers. Then Jason and the police were talking in Chinese. the officer left us alone for a bit and Jason said see look what you done. I answered do not speak to me.
It was agreed that Jason would leave the apartment. He still had a place in another area of Hangzhou. He took his dog and some of his things. He promised to get the rest of his thing in a few days. This time he never came back.
Fast forward 3 months later. I have rebuilt my life. I got a mini makeover. I am seeing my old friends more often. I began dating again. I have a new puppy named Oreo. Life is good. I am happy with my little life. Well guess who contacted me and wants me back? I refused. He was in my neighborhood and invited me for breakfast. He claims that he missed me and called me 6 times at 5am in the morning 3 weeks ago. He said missed me. I feel nothing for him, no emotion. I told him that I threw away his things after he asked me to get it. I then blocked him. Jason has no place in my future.
So readers, I expose myself to you.Please if you are in a similar situation kick the creepster to the curb! Jason used my weakness to control me.
I am more careful vetting my men now. In retrospect, there were signs early on that Jason was an abusive person. I just refused to see them and I began rationalizing them. Onward to a happier life for me. I will never lose sight of myself in a relationship. I don’t ever want that version of Amber to return.
