Losing Weight in China:Spin Addiction Edition

My precious!!!!

My precious!!!!

This  is  the second installment  of  my weight loss in China series.  Getting healthy is a huge lifestyle change. I had to drastically revamp my old unhealthy habits and swap them out for healthier habits.  So basically I changed one addiction for another in a way.  However I would rather have  an exercise addiction to a food addiction any day of the week! I am more addicted to how amazing exercise makes me feel.  I feel like I am on top of the world! It is  like a natural high. I am definitely a happier person now than I was when I first came  to China two years.

Many people mistake my zest  for exercise as an obsession. “Obsession is the lazy person’s word for dedication.”(I stole that from someone) I post this because, I am excited about the changes that I am making to my body and mind. Of course I get people who chugged a barrel of Hatorade that make negative comments about my weight loss. I am going to state here publicly, that I am in no way anti fat. This is my personal weight loss and health journey and not a pulpit for people to spread their fat acceptance spiel. This is a new trend that is occurring in America and it is spreading some  division in the overweight community. One thing,  that I don’t like is the generalized belief in the fat acceptance community is that overweight people who choose to lose weight have low self esteem and don’t love and accept themselves. Yup, I hear this one a lot. Truth, I was not happy when I was fat because I was plagued with health problems and I was tired,depressed and had no zest for life.  My mom died directly related to her obesity and she was only 56. So my weight loss is a tribute to her and wanting to live a higher quality life.

Weight loss since beginning the gym

Weight loss since beginning the gym

My newest love is spin class. When I first  came  to the gym I couldn’t even last 10 minutes in a spin class. I worked  with my trainer Lucas and was able to complete a spin class. Still though I only took it occasionally. I was more of an elliptical trainer, belly dancing and Zumba girl. Well things changed, I am a spin convert! Spin is easier on my ankle, more fun and I burn more calories. I have noticed that since taking spin my weight loss got kicked up a notch. My legs, booty and stomach are firm and there is less fat. I take spin class about 5 days a week. I like the people in my spin class,  we are like a small community of hardcore enthusiast. They even saved a bike for me when I was running late.

IMG_3894I also took my walking up a notch and recently bought a Xiaomi fitness wristband. It calculates  your steps ,calories and sleep pattern. You can sync it with an app on the phone. The company also has a scale that I am going  to get!!! I have started to take Oreo out for longer walks now and it benefits me and her at the same time. Plus I have many friends who use the same product  so we can compete with each other  to see who has the most steps in a day. This motivates me  to be the best me that I can be.

As of a few days ago I have lost 67 pounds since coming to China!!! I am within spitting distance from my goal. I have about 33 more pounds to go. However this  is  the hardest part of the battle. This is when I have  to dig deep and remember why I am doing this. Jiayou Amber!. My goal is  to climb  that mountain.

My Brickhouse figure is coming back

My Brickhouse figure is coming back

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Social Experiment: The Tale of Two Profiles

*note I changed the original picture since somebody decided to make it an issue because I photoshop some pictures to make my skin smoother. Due to lighting and some apps yes that can lighten skin. In no way am I ashamed of my true complexion. So ask a question before you make assumptions that I am ashamed of my skin tone*  
It’s bizarro how I am finding everything about my life a social experiment lately.  It is what fueled me to write my latest blog entry. It is what helps me to keep my sense of humor when I am having one of those infamous Bad China Days. 

The Next topic in my Social experiment series tackles online dating in China.  With online dating your picture is what everyone looks at first. I know if a guy doesn’t have a profile picture, I am less likely to read about him. He could have written something that was a beautiful as a Shakespeare sonnet but no picture no read. I am sure that men are doing the same thing with my profile.

  
Online dating is like being a kid in a candy store, so many choices to choose from but many people are selective in their choices. In a candy store I prefer jellybeans and caramel over black licorice.  It is just a choice. 

Online dating is just like that. My social experiment on this began as an accident. When I first came to China I had an online dating profile with OKCupid. My friend met her boyfriend now fiancé in China using OkCupid. I have had mixed results with this website in the past. So I did it I put up my profile. It has been active for 2 years. In 2 years I have had 14 responses to my profile. Oh and 106 views. Of the responses most of them were black men. The views I had a mix of men but mostly black.

  
 In the first profile I am heavier and there are only face shots. I also am wearing my hair in it’s natural state.  My smile and my words in the profiles remain constant. My age changed though. In China there is a stigma about age so I subtracted some years off my age in the first profile. Also I sent out maybe 4 responses that never got answered. 

Once I moved to Hangzhou after my tragic love life ,I decided to  give love another try.  I decided to open my OKCupid profile again.  Well guess what??? I forgot the password!  So I decided to open up a new account. A new account a fresh start. 

  
This profile was born about 3 months ago. So it is very new. I put up my most recent pictures. Well the response was way different. In 3 months I had about 51 men respond to my ad and over 100 views. These statistics are way better than my older profile. The words are  basically the same. I am still a romantic and still an animal lover.

So what could possibly illicit a difference in response?  There is a saying, ” A picture speaks 1000 words.” So yes image is everything. I think it is the differences in how I look. Many physical variables differ between the two profiles, like 60+ pound weightloss and sessions with my flatiron. Also in some pictures I appear lighter than in others. That is due to lightning and maybe some photoshopping skills. However I have a variety of pictures in both profiles.  Location may have also been a variable. However I was getting responses from different areas than where I live in both profiles so this variable probably is not a great enough factor to change the results of this experiment. Someone mentioned that I am more confident and that comes across in a photo. Maybe …. But I don’t see that as I look over my two profiles. I see the same exact expression.

  
Another thing that I noticed was the type of men that responded to me in both profiles. In the first profile it is mostly black men that respond to me. I would say they are all Africans. Many were very polite in their responses. I don’t often reply using the first profile. I only remember it whenever I get an email alert to a message. 

   
The second profile I get responses from a variety of men representing a variety of races. I guess this profile is more man friendly.  Maybe the overall cuteness factor of ChocolateChickinChina revamped is the answer. Maybe it be an unknown like how many licks does it  take to get to the center of Toostie Roll Tootsie Pop. The world may never know.

Losing Weight in China

  

Finally, I have time to write a post about my weightloss in China. It has been a long and ungoing process. I have had my ups , downs and stalls. Basically like life but I am always determined to lose weight and lead a healthy lifestyle. In the US, I gained weight due to stress and a less than hospitable working environment. In fact, I put on 60 pounds.  I was very sad and disliked myself immensely. The extra weight cause me a great deal of physical pain. My ankles were always swollen. My back was going out on me. I didn’t walk I wobbled. I was about 240 pounds and at 5’5 that is very heavy. My mom died at 56 due to obesity related issues.

  

So I decided, that I needed to start my life anew. This and other factors made me decide that I wanted to teach abroad. So I went to China as a fat girl. Honestly life in China as a fat person is not easy. Especially in Nanchang. I was made fun of  constantly and laughed at.  Since things are equipped for super tiny people it makes things extremely awkward. Like on the bus I basically took up two seats. It was embarrassing. I also had trouble stepping up on the bus. It took great effort.  The most embarrassing thing was when I got into a crowded elevator while I was teaching at the university. In China the elevator only holds a certain weight limit, this one was 1200 kg. if it is too much the elevator doesn’t move. Well I was the last one on and  I had a class on the 10th floor. So students had to get off. Not one, not two but three students.  so I weighed more than 3 Chinese students. They were laughing at the fat  Laoshi. I had to bite back the tears.

The original way I began losing weight was not healthy but it worked for me. I ate breakfast Baozi, steamed egg and douja  every morning. Then lunch with a little rice with meat bad veggies. I didn’t eat dinner or if I did. I had fruit.  I sometimes had a salad.  I walked every morning, I lost weight. My body adjusted to the msg level in the food. 

I then wanted to lose weight quicker so I opted for a liquid protein diet. I had a doctor prescribe that diet to me years ago when I gained even more weight due to my mom’s death. It worked so well.  Honestly , I was in a hurry. I just wanted to be accepted quicker. I was sick of being fat. I had one meal a day. It was lunch and shakes for breakfast and dinner. I also took L Carnitine and walked my little Baobao over campus.  That dog loved to walk for hours.  I went from  245 pounds to 218 pounds. Mind you still fat but more mobile.

This was around the time I met Jason the Jerk and he stressed me out so much I returned to my comfort eating. Basically he was so cruel saying I was fat and ugly like a man. If I didn’t lose weight he would leave me. I snuck in candy when he wasn’t around. I went back up to 230 pounds.

Then a miraculous thing happened I dumped the arsehole. I went on the happiness diet. I was dieting but so happy I actually ended up losing weight. I went back to 220 pounds. I stayed that weight for a few months. I partied I was a free woman.

  

I started Dukan diet, which basically is a low carb diet. I lost 12 pounds in 10 days. Then I got back to under 200 pounds. I started working out and my trainer Lucas put me on a more balanced diet. However my weightloss slowed down. So I stopped eating dinner and just had fruit and the weight came off but I had to do a lot of cardio and my knees hurt a bit but I I got down to 185 pounds!!! In China of course that is still fat but only kinda fat not really fat as before. Do I still had students call me fat teacher.  

  

Then I met Jonathan and I started dating and socializing and stopped going to the gym. I didn’t gain weight during the dating phase. I still ate relatively healthy and still walked Oreo.  I drank which for me is a no no while dieting. I maintained then  I got utterly and tragically dumped. It was so humiliating and we have friends in common. When your male friends apologize to you for the shitty behavior of another male you know it was bad. Anyway I continued to socialize but drank more than normal and turned to my comfort food. I was crying on the inside and wore a mask on the outside.

   

   

I was like a zombie and I finally woke up. I needed a change. So I decided to start the Dukan Diet again. In all my dieting experiences low carb  diets worked the best for my body in regards to weightloss. I tweaked the diet a bit. I have coffee everyday and I have moderate fat. I find a diet that is too low in fat slows down my weightloss. Once in awhile I have fruit but only on my Protein and Vegetable day. I am also incorporating the gym and low carb dieting. I am only going to the gym 4-5 days a week. This diet you don’t have to kill yourself in the gym. I just have to be more careful because low carb and working out  doesn’t go hand in hand sometimes. I also decided to take swing dancing lessons. I think during the heartbreak stage I gained 15 pounds. I just completed the Attack phase of Dukan. I am at 186.7, so now I am determined to get down to my goal weight of 140. My trainer was trying to get me to go to 125-130 but I told him I am not Chinese, I know what looks nice on me. So I will continue to updated everyone on my weightloss.

   

   

One thing I need to work on is changing how I deal with stress. If I don’t learn to have a positive relationship with food, I will never end this weight gain and weightloss lifestyle. This is more self reflected and I am going to start a seperate blog about my food addiction and the reasons why I eat. It really is a form of self abuse on my end.  I need to alter the way that I handle stress. It is a common theme in my weight gain and it isn’t healthy to be a yo yo dieter. 

My Brazilian Keratin Hair Treatment 

***PLEASE NOTE, I CAN NO LONGER WHOLEHEARTEDLY SUPPORT STUDIO EBONY DUE TO PERSONAL REASONS. MY STYLIST INDIA IS WORKING INDEPENDENTLY AND CAN BE REACHED USING WEIXIN. YOU ARE MORE THAN WELCOMED TO FORM YOUR OWN OPINION AND GO TO STUDIO EBONY. I AM IN NO WAY SLAMMING HER BUSINESS. THIS POST IS HIGHLIGHTING INDIA’S WORK. THANK YOU****
The hardest part about living in China as a black woman or a woman with curly hair is what do we do with our hair. Many of the Chinese salons have no clue what to do with Afro textured hair or curly hair. Caucasian friend’s also complain that they can’t get a decent hair color or cut at many Chinese salons. So expats are at a huge disadvantage.  Many of the smaller cities like Hangzhou and Nanchang don’t have expat salons. So where is a Laowai to go???  To the Mecca Shanghai if you live in south China. Other big cities like Beijing, Hong Kong , Shenzhen and Guangzhou also have expats salons.  So my advice if you are a foreigner looking to move to China move in at lease 1-2 hours fast train ride away from a mega Chinese city.

When I lived in Nanchang, I was about 3-4 hours away from Shanghai. So I did my best and tried to care for my hair the best that I could. I am a natural meaning that I do not put chemicals in my hair. I have been a natural for 5 years. It has been a challenge. It especially is a challenge in China. Due to the water and lack of quality products my hair wasn’t looking too pretty.  Also many people mistaked me for a man. So, I wigged it but I never really felt authentic. I was always paranoid that someone would snatch my wig off my hair. Finally I just got braids. I think braids suit me but I noticed some hair loss also I felt fake too. My friend Yllen and Lele already received the keratin treatments and raved about it.

I missed having straight hair. I haven’t had staight hair for 6-7 years. I mostly wore braids in my hair for 2 years prior to embracing my natural Afro textured hair. My hair hates relaxers. My hair would always break off and would look dry and brittle. It never grew past chin length.

Honestly some naturals have beautiful curl patterns and have moisturized locks. That isn’t true for me. My hair was dry and frizzy.  I tried all the methods too. To no avail. The amount of time and the type of products were not available in China or were but very expensive. So after I saw the wonderful results of Lele, I decided that I had to get it done.

I made the trek from Hangzhou Dong to Shanghai Hongqiao station. It was about a 45 minute trip. Then I I took the 10 line to South Shaanxi exit. I had to follow the signs for 1 line go outside and then enter the 1 station to find exit 4. I know very confusing!! Shout out to my girl Yllen that stayed on the phone with my lost arse even though she was busy at work. I have zero sense of direction. I need a Gps chip to be installed in my brain!!

So I finally found Studio Ebony, it is in an apartment complex. If you want to go there email me and I will have Yllen give you directions. I was 15 minute late for my appointment.  I met India , who is also an American expat like me. In fact she is a fellow New Yorker. A Brooklyn girl! It was so nice to hear her slight New York accent. I don’t meet many New York expats.

India in an awesome stylist. She is very knowledgeable in her trade and extremely professional. In fact during every phase of The Brazilian Keratin Treatment (BKT) she explained each part of the process. This was a first with me. Even in the USA, I never had a stylist do that. India has about 20 years experience. She worked in a salon in Manhattan.

 

Phase One

India examined my hair and damage level. I have not really have taken care of my hair since coming to China.  I kinda ignored Bathsheba( my hair) and hid her.  Due to the thickness of my hair I had to pay more because it would take more time and product. This I am use to that , I take after The McDowells we have thick heads of hair!

India washed my hair with sulfate free shampoo. Then she blew it out with a hairdryer and a brush. I am amazed when I see stylist do that. It was longer than I thought!

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Phase Two

Then she put the keratin in my hair. Keratin is an amino acid and is not a chemical like a relaxer. So it is an all natural  protein. I sat with the keratin in my hair for a bit. She  rinsed my hair and blew it out.  I noticed that my hair texture was looser but Afro textured India explained that high heat is required to seal in the keratin and make the hair straight. Omg I was so overwhelmed when I saw how long and straight my hair was! I had to hold  back the tears. I kept repeating “Is this my hair? Is this my hair?” The length and the straightness was never acheived like that with a relaxer. I felt my scalp!!!! I was able to run my fingers through my hair. to a black girl this is such any amazing experience. Oh and the length. I have never seen it.

India explained that due to hair damage and split ends she would have to cut. She told me that she was planning to do an elongated bob. She only took and inch and a half off.  I was so scared my hair would be very short. I had so much shrinkage that I had no clue to my hair’s true length.

Phase Three

 

After the cut India applied another part of the Keratin treatment that would add shine and strengthen my hair. It smelled really good. India told the keratin product  line  she used was called Sweet Hair. I sat with the product on my hair then it was rinsed. My curl pattern was even looser it was maybe a 3b/c.  That front was even straighter. It was so easy and quick for her to blowout my hair. Then she did the final flatiron. Wow the shine and it felt so soft. I could barely recognize myself. It was the first time since coming to China that I felt beautiful. the Chinese men that saw me reaffirmed that. I got hey baby looks and not what is that looks. The best the was the wind blew my hair and it went back into place.  At home I was in front of the mirror and did the “white girl” hair flip and singing “I Feel Pretty” from Westside Story.

  

  

Upkeep

Everytime I wash my hair I have to use sulfate free shampoo and conditioner. I also have to blowout on high heat and use a flatiron. Since Oreo ate the cord to the flatiron that I bought from the U.S. I bought one from Studio Ebony it is from Japan and it was the same one India used on me. For naturals using high heat was a big no no but with the keratin process it is essential to unlock the straightening agent. Also with a keratin the more you get it the straighter it becomes. So I am a convert and love my hair,

  

If you are in the vicinity of Shanghai I strongly recommend coming Studio Ebony. So if you live in Zheijiang, Jiansu , Jiangxi, or Anhui province it is well worth the trip on the fast train. Ask for India she is the best. She specializes in all hair types.

http://www.studio-ebony.com

Here is India’s weixin

Yellow Fever: The Pros and the Cons

  

Do you find yourself doing double takes at every Asian that walks by. Do you have fantasy relationships to a variety of Kpop or KDrama stars. Do you know all about their personal lives than you do your own?  Do you know what the acronyms AP , AMBW, and AMFW stand for? Was Bruce Lee your first true love crush? Do use the word Oppa on a daily basis. Have you moved to an Asian country to find your true love or are you considering it. Do you find yourself hanging out in Chinatown a lot. Can you catch flies with a pair of chopsticks? Does your heart melt and your knees go weak when a cute Asian guys smile at you?If you answered yes to most of these questions then congrats you have Yellow Fever. This affliction is both a curse and a blessing.

  

Asian men can make great boyfriends. They carry your purse, they are loving and very shy.  They are family orientated and will do anything to preserve the family unit. This means an obsession with work but in their culture bringing money in is the way to show love. Sometimes they can be aloof and never express their feelings. Everything is about face. Western and Eastern thoughts often clash. Our societies are wired differently. This being said if you love Asian men you have to know and respect the difference and not expect them to Asian on the outside and Western on the inside.  Now ABCs, CBCs and BBCs as well as Asian born overseas are a different case. 

Many men and women who admire Asians have preconceived notions and stereotypes about Asians. Yes there are cultural norms that do shape their mindset but remember each person is their own distinct person meaning assholeness knows no color. 

  

I think many people that have Yellow Fever live in a fantasy world. Our expectations are unrealistic. Like my goal of going to South Korea and winning the heart of Rain and being his dog’s mama. Or finding my Asian Prince whose love for me is so great that defies his family and follows his heart. In reality this is a rarity. I have 5 friends that do have successful marriages and relationships with Asian men. Please remember it is not the rule, you might not find your AsianPrince maybe he may come in a different package than what you want.

The biggest con about having yellow fever is that you put blinders on and miss chances of meeting quality men from other races. I think this problem hits close to home. The only men that kickstart my heart are Asians.  Recently I can only look at Chinese men ( I do live here and find their features the most attractive) I have seriously thought what if my soulmate isn’t Asian, will my fetish blind me from finding a loving heart? I am equally attracted feature wise and personality wise to white guys. In fact my first girl crush was  all the members of Duran Duran. I remember seeing that video and thinking thinking they were so cute. Growing up in school I had crushes on white guys. My first Asian crush was Dustin Nyguen. When I first saw him on 21Jump Street,  my jawed dropped. He was the second cutest guy on the show( no one can beat out Johnny Depp)

  

I am at the point now where I pondering. I think I need to look into the heart of a man. Love is colorblind after all. I really have to evaluate is my love of Asian men more harmful to my love life.  Honestly not many Chinese men approach me nor show interest to me. Except on Momo(social dating app) but anything with boobs and a hole would attract them. So am I narking up the wrong tree?

So yeah Asian boys will always make me turn my head but I will be forever alone if so don’t open myself to other options. When I was younger I was more open minded about who I dated.  If you were kind and made me laugh I went out with them. As I grew older I became more selective. Though in my younger years I only dated white men with a sprinkle of Latino and Asian to add flavoring. I only went out with 3 black guys so maybe I need to open myself up to different types of people. 

  

I am not sure if this is a means of me giving up on a dream or what. I know Physical attraction is very important but so is a beautiful heart. Is this a preference or am I in fact a closet racist. These questions weigh heavy on my heart. I have been thinking about it when I speak  to The Brits ( my favorite foreign crew) who all suffer from the same affliction.  They all feel it is a preference only and I am over analyzing this. 

The only difference they can date with more ease than I can. Women though themselves at white guys in China. So in their case Yellow Fever is a Pro not a con. My case though it is hard to date, few men in China find my type of beauty appealing. My AMFW friends also don’t have as many issues with their yellow fever there are Chinese men who love white women. With black women or fat women sometimes it can be a con. It is not impossible nothing is impossible but it is a lot of hardworking and you have to be on the top of your game at every moment.

So for me I don’t know if I will get some bumblebee love or not. What I do know is that I am going to open up my mind and heart and let opportunities come to me. I suggest that to all people that have Yellow Fever don’t limit yourself.  Though if I stay in China the odds of me finding Chinese boyfriend will increase. 

  

The British are Coming

This blog is all about my closest group of friends in Hangzhou, who I lovingly call The Brits. I can’t begin to explain how loving and funny they all are. They opened up their ranks and accepted this lone American in their fold. There is also a Canadian in our group but he doesn’t come out as often.

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Each of the Brits have their own distinct and lovely personality. I just love their deprecating, dry and sarcastic sense of humor. I find it refreshing. I always have a blast when I hang out with the Brits. So without further ado let me introduce you to the Brits.

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This is Mr. Debonair himself, Sir Ashton, our leader. Ash has a heart of gold and is a good friend, though I worry about his liver. He loves a pint or 20. He is a likable bloke and always organizes us together. He is our king. He drinks so many Long Island Ice Teas that I fear that he may morph into Joey Buttafuco one day( Google that name if you don’t get my joke) Ash is a friend that I met though another friend and he is the one that introduced me to The Brits. He also is a matchmaker and he is trying to find love for me. What a sweetie. Just don’t get him angry.

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Next up we have Sam, the most cynical and funniest in the group. Sam is the music critic and he gave me a thumbs up on my music in my phone. He is a Smiths fan, which I absolutely love. He smokes Marlboro Ice Blast and drinks Tiger beer. He hates music by Michael Jackson, it is like nails on the chalkboard for him. Oh well nobody is perfect.

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This is Big Ben, and my opinion the most mature of the bunch. Ben dresses like the classic English gentleman. He is the classy one and is very well spoken. He actually isn’t a Brit, he is a Welshman. Ben found true love in China. He and his girlfriend are so sweet they give me a toothache.

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Next is Baby Joe, a fresh faced young lad. I like Joe he is very adorable. He has game, I have to say. Within one week of moving to Hangzhou he found a beautiful girlfriend named Laura. They are so utterly adorable together. Joe can be a bit naive and is the butt of every single joke. He is a Liverpoolean and rumored to be the illegitimate grandson of one of The Beatles. If you believe that you are more gullible than Joe.

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The Chicks. The Brits have their Chicks. Their chicks are Chinese. They are Brits by association. We can call them The Chits.

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This is DanLi, girlfriend of Ben. She is uber nice and a chocoholic. No piece
of chocolate is safe around her. She is also a piano teacher. I think she is absolutely beautiful both inside and out. Ben is one lucky boy.

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This is Laura , Joe’s girlfriend. If Maryann( from Gilligan’s Island) and Dorothy( from the Wizard of Oz) had a love child then it would be Laura. Laura is just a sweetie. She is very kind and helpful. I always have such a pleasant conversation with her. She is such a cute and petite lady. Her English is very good. She is an English teacher.

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Helley is no one’s chick! She is single and strong minded. Her drink of choice is ginger ale. We have not fully corrupted her yet. I know many foreign men would love to have a girl like her. Her English is very good. She and I are the single ladies of the group. I would love to set her up but she is content with her life the way it is.

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The Canadian, is the only other non Brit. He is actually a nice guy and a good friend He is fun to be around and makes me laugh. He is a mountain man and loves the outdoors. Johnathan likes to take exploration trips around Hangzhou on his days off. He use to play in a band in Canada.

The are my motley crew of friends. I love them to bits. So cheerio mates.

Memorable Momo Dates

In my last post, I briefly mentioned the social app Momo. Well Here is a brief post discussing my most memorable dates or near dates

1) The Drive By- This guy bought his car and looked nothing like the picture. The photo was of a more bad boy with tattoos and this one was clean cut. I refused to get in his car. End of date. Mama didn’t raise a fool.

2) Medicine Boy- We never dated. We just chatted on Momo. This was more of a friend thing. He actually lives in my building. Remember that creepy component I mentioned the gps locator. So I told him I was sick. He asked my symptoms and got me medicine from the pharmacy. We still chat occasionally.

3) Engineer- We went on a date and had a nice dinner. His English level was pretty good. I would have liked to have known him better but we lost contact. This was the guy right after Jason and their jobs were very similar.

4) Cellphone Savior- I liked this guy and we had great kissing connection but I think he was a player. He did save my cellphone when I dropped it in my cappuccino. I love taking pictures of my good. I was so nervous on the date that I dropped my cell in the coffee.

5) I Don’t Speak- He was such a nice guy and very cute. He could not speak a lick of English. We used translator love. Really though men and woman don’t speak the same language. I had a lot of fun on this date.

6) I Speak Very Limited English- this guy was in the clothing industry and he was very very attracted to me. All he could say was,”I want you” Well he didn’t get me. Oh and after the date he sent me a picture of himself in a thong. Oh. No thanks.

7) Coffee Cop- he bought me coffee and fruit but I think he wanted more than coffee. He was really cute and well built but arrogant as hell. I hate arrogant men

8) Stalker- I never met him. He messaged me a couple of times. He is one of the reasons why their built in GPS locator freaks me out. I got a random message like I saw you limping when you got off the bus is something wrong with your foot. Or you little white dog is very lovely. He told me he was too shy to show his face. Sweet in a creepy stalker sort of way.

9) Hotel Guy- he lives in an apartment building right outside my community. It is the same building where the hotel is. This guy is always begging me for sex. He is 32 and divorced. Well at least he is honest. I always say no. He contacts me every few weeks to see if I changed my mind. The answer is always no.

10) Momo- some random guy saw me walking on the street said Momo and winked.

11) Creep- This date was because I got stood up and was hungry. I wanted a free dinner. This guy was big for a Chinese guy and not too attractive. He was an arsehole. He asked me if I was fertile. He told me his ex wife was sterile and no good she didn’t like sex with him so she divorced him. Then he told me I couldn’t get dessert because I was too fat. I hated that bastard. Then when we were leaving he was like where are you going. I am like home. I am going to my home and you are going to yours. I think he was on the autism spectrum he had zero social skills.

I went to the same local restaurant with every single guy. It was a place that I felt comfortable and was near my home. I put a hold to dating after that creep. Then I dated a few men I met in real life settings.

I think Momo is worth a try, it will give you memorable dating stories.

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