Losing Weight in China:Spin Addiction Edition

My precious!!!!

My precious!!!!

This  is  the second installment  of  my weight loss in China series.  Getting healthy is a huge lifestyle change. I had to drastically revamp my old unhealthy habits and swap them out for healthier habits.  So basically I changed one addiction for another in a way.  However I would rather have  an exercise addiction to a food addiction any day of the week! I am more addicted to how amazing exercise makes me feel.  I feel like I am on top of the world! It is  like a natural high. I am definitely a happier person now than I was when I first came  to China two years.

Many people mistake my zest  for exercise as an obsession. “Obsession is the lazy person’s word for dedication.”(I stole that from someone) I post this because, I am excited about the changes that I am making to my body and mind. Of course I get people who chugged a barrel of Hatorade that make negative comments about my weight loss. I am going to state here publicly, that I am in no way anti fat. This is my personal weight loss and health journey and not a pulpit for people to spread their fat acceptance spiel. This is a new trend that is occurring in America and it is spreading some  division in the overweight community. One thing,  that I don’t like is the generalized belief in the fat acceptance community is that overweight people who choose to lose weight have low self esteem and don’t love and accept themselves. Yup, I hear this one a lot. Truth, I was not happy when I was fat because I was plagued with health problems and I was tired,depressed and had no zest for life.  My mom died directly related to her obesity and she was only 56. So my weight loss is a tribute to her and wanting to live a higher quality life.

Weight loss since beginning the gym

Weight loss since beginning the gym

My newest love is spin class. When I first  came  to the gym I couldn’t even last 10 minutes in a spin class. I worked  with my trainer Lucas and was able to complete a spin class. Still though I only took it occasionally. I was more of an elliptical trainer, belly dancing and Zumba girl. Well things changed, I am a spin convert! Spin is easier on my ankle, more fun and I burn more calories. I have noticed that since taking spin my weight loss got kicked up a notch. My legs, booty and stomach are firm and there is less fat. I take spin class about 5 days a week. I like the people in my spin class,  we are like a small community of hardcore enthusiast. They even saved a bike for me when I was running late.

IMG_3894I also took my walking up a notch and recently bought a Xiaomi fitness wristband. It calculates  your steps ,calories and sleep pattern. You can sync it with an app on the phone. The company also has a scale that I am going  to get!!! I have started to take Oreo out for longer walks now and it benefits me and her at the same time. Plus I have many friends who use the same product  so we can compete with each other  to see who has the most steps in a day. This motivates me  to be the best me that I can be.

As of a few days ago I have lost 67 pounds since coming to China!!! I am within spitting distance from my goal. I have about 33 more pounds to go. However this  is  the hardest part of the battle. This is when I have  to dig deep and remember why I am doing this. Jiayou Amber!. My goal is  to climb  that mountain.

My Brickhouse figure is coming back

My Brickhouse figure is coming back

Social Experiment: The Superficiality of the Chinese Culture


This is part 1 of an ongoing social experiment that I have been conducting since coming to China.  Since my arrival in China I have noticed an ongoing obsession with appearance. It is worse than in The Western World. In the west at least we have a variety of standards that defines beautiful. Here in China not so much. 


Their ideal of beauty is so far fetched that not even the average Chinese woman can attain it. So it creates a system of woman going through any means to reach something that in unattainable unless you get plastic surgery. To them beauty is pale white smooth alabaster skin, big doe eyes , slim body( to the extreme) heart shaped face, pointy chin and long straight dark hair. I don’t know many women that look like that that aren’t anime characters.   

They also view Westerners as beautiful but you have to have white skin. Anything that is white is beautiful to them. They even consider white dogs to be cuter than brown and black dogs! So if you are white and slim you are a god or goddess.  It is their culture and it will not change. It is probably the hardest thing to have to face in an Asian country. I have to look in the mirror and tell myself that I am beautiful and not a fat ugly monster.



It isn’t as bad as when I first came to China. With my Afro textured hair, chocolate complexion and full body, I was the antithesis of their ideal of beauty.  The Chinese didn’t know what to make of me. So I was not treated kindly. I was made fun of and laughed at. This really lowered my already low self esteem. So on the outside I was smiling on the inside I was dying.

Then I begin losing weight and I noticed how people changed. People smiled at me more. They approached me more. Then I began changing my hairstyles. When I wore a wig my coworkers told me I was so pretty and all I needed to do was to lose weight because a boy only looks at a good figure. (Cue eye rolls) 


After I hated the falseness of wigs I went back to natural hair. I notice that again my collegues distanced themselves. I had one student that was repelled by my natural hair. Oh and I got parents that complained about my hair. I also had a parent say I was too fat to teach her child. I have students call me fat Laoshi. 


I decided to get braids. Well this style was different than the Chinese norms. The kids were fascinated by my hair as were my Chinese friends. They thought it was amazing. This is when I had strangers touch my hair.  They thought my hair was cool and fashionable. It was eccentric. I was also losing a lot of weight at the same. So the Chinese people were very nice to me during this phase. 


I got another braided style that was curly and I had black and red braids. I loved it. The Chinese didn’t. This is when I was called Hei Gui on many occasions. One of my more verbal students said my hair was ugly. My coworkers just kept glaring at my hair. One had the gall to ask me if I actually like my hair that way.  That  hair was way too much from their  beauty zone. On a side note, Western men loved the big hair and I got some interest from them. So big sexy hair is a turn on for western men. 


Next I got a Brazilian Blowout and I will say this. Big humongous difference to how I am treated. This hair looks more like their hair. So I am more accepted. Not viewed as an oddity anymore. I have noticed more Chinese men checking me out. Also my OKCupid ad is getting way more responses by men of all cultures. Once I put up the straight hair pictures my stock level went up. I think the straight hair enhances my features more. I have two OKCupids profiles. One is an older one where I am heavier and with my natural tightly curled hair.  The other is more recent and I am smaller. My old one only gets an occasional response by African men. 


My experiment is not fully complete. I have to see how I am treated here once I hit goal weight . My budding  self esteem might have something to do with how I am getting treated as well. When I first came to China, I never took pictures. I hated looking in the mirror so that attitude may have influenced how others saw me. Now I am selfie goddess and like the me looking back at me in the mirror. That attitude maybe attracting people was well.  So this may actually skew the effects of my experiment. 

Even though China is a superficial society it did give me a swift kick up the arse and was the fuel that I needed to make a well needed change in myself.


Please click on my YouTube videos, they pertain to the post. 

My Brazilian Keratin Hair Treatment 

The hardest part about living in China as a black woman or a woman with curly hair is what do we do with our hair. Many of the Chinese salons have no clue what to do with Afro textured hair or curly hair. Caucasian friend’s also complain that they can’t get a decent hair color or cut at many Chinese salons. So expats are at a huge disadvantage.  Many of the smaller cities like Hangzhou and Nanchang don’t have expat salons. So where is a Laowai to go???  To the Mecca Shanghai if you live in south China. Other big cities like Beijing, Hong Kong , Shenzhen and Guangzhou also have expats salons.  So my advice if you are a foreigner looking to move to China move in at lease 1-2 hours fast train ride away from a mega Chinese city.

When I lived in Nanchang, I was about 3-4 hours away from Shanghai. So I did my best and tried to care for my hair the best that I could. I am a natural meaning that I do not put chemicals in my hair. I have been a natural for 5 years. It has been a challenge. It especially is a challenge in China. Due to the water and lack of quality products my hair wasn’t looking too pretty.  Also many people mistaked me for a man. So, I wigged it but I never really felt authentic. I was always paranoid that someone would snatch my wig off my hair. Finally I just got braids. I think braids suit me but I noticed some hair loss also I felt fake too. My friend Yllen and Lele already received the keratin treatments and raved about it.

I missed having straight hair. I haven’t had staight hair for 6-7 years. I mostly wore braids in my hair for 2 years prior to embracing my natural Afro textured hair. My hair hates relaxers. My hair would always break off and would look dry and brittle. It never grew past chin length.

Honestly some naturals have beautiful curl patterns and have moisturized locks. That isn’t true for me. My hair was dry and frizzy.  I tried all the methods too. To no avail. The amount of time and the type of products were not available in China or were but very expensive. So after I saw the wonderful results of Lele, I decided that I had to get it done.

I made the trek from Hangzhou Dong to Shanghai Hongqiao station. It was about a 45 minute trip. Then I I took the 10 line to South Shaanxi exit. I had to follow the signs for 1 line go outside and then enter the 1 station to find exit 4. I know very confusing!! Shout out to my girl Yllen that stayed on the phone with my lost arse even though she was busy at work. I have zero sense of direction. I need a Gps chip to be installed in my brain!!

So I finally found Studio Ebony, it is in an apartment complex. If you want to go there email me and I will have Yllen give you directions. I was 15 minute late for my appointment.  I met India , who is also an American expat like me. In fact she is a fellow New Yorker. A Brooklyn girl! It was so nice to hear her slight New York accent. I don’t meet many New York expats.

India in an awesome stylist. She is very knowledgeable in her trade and extremely professional. In fact during every phase of The Brazilian Keratin Treatment (BKT) she explained each part of the process. This was a first with me. Even in the USA, I never had a stylist do that. India has about 20 years experience. She worked in a salon in Manhattan.


Phase One

India examined my hair and damage level. I have not really have taken care of my hair since coming to China.  I kinda ignored Bathsheba( my hair) and hid her.  Due to the thickness of my hair I had to pay more because it would take more time and product. This I am use to that , I take after The McDowells we have thick heads of hair!

India washed my hair with sulfate free shampoo. Then she blew it out with a hairdryer and a brush. I am amazed when I see stylist do that. It was longer than I thought!


Phase Two

Then she put the keratin in my hair. Keratin is an amino acid and is not a chemical like a relaxer. So it is an all natural  protein. I sat with the keratin in my hair for a bit. She  rinsed my hair and blew it out.  I noticed that my hair texture was looser but Afro textured India explained that high heat is required to seal in the keratin and make the hair straight. Omg I was so overwhelmed when I saw how long and straight my hair was! I had to hold  back the tears. I kept repeating “Is this my hair? Is this my hair?” The length and the straightness was never acheived like that with a relaxer. I felt my scalp!!!! I was able to run my fingers through my hair. to a black girl this is such any amazing experience. Oh and the length. I have never seen it.

India explained that due to hair damage and split ends she would have to cut. She told me that she was planning to do an elongated bob. She only took and inch and a half off.  I was so scared my hair would be very short. I had so much shrinkage that I had no clue to my hair’s true length.

Phase Three


After the cut India applied another part of the Keratin treatment that would add shine and strengthen my hair. It smelled really good. India told the keratin product  line  she used was called Sweet Hair. I sat with the product on my hair then it was rinsed. My curl pattern was even looser it was maybe a 3b/c.  That front was even straighter. It was so easy and quick for her to blowout my hair. Then she did the final flatiron. Wow the shine and it felt so soft. I could barely recognize myself. It was the first time since coming to China that I felt beautiful. the Chinese men that saw me reaffirmed that. I got hey baby looks and not what is that looks. The best the was the wind blew my hair and it went back into place.  At home I was in front of the mirror and did the “white girl” hair flip and singing “I Feel Pretty” from Westside Story.




Everytime I wash my hair I have to use sulfate free shampoo and conditioner. I also have to blowout on high heat and use a flatiron. Since Oreo ate the cord to the flatiron that I bought from the U.S. I bought one from Studio Ebony it is from Japan and it was the same one India used on me. For naturals using high heat was a big no no but with the keratin process it is essential to unlock the straightening agent. Also with a keratin the more you get it the straighter it becomes. So I am a convert and love my hair,


If you are in the vicinity of Shanghai I strongly recommend coming Studio Ebony. So if you live in Zheijiang, Jiansu , Jiangxi, or Anhui province it is well worth the trip on the fast train. Ask for India she is the best. She specializes in all hair types.


Here is India’s weixin

Yellow Fever: The Pros and the Cons


Do you find yourself doing double takes at every Asian that walks by. Do you have fantasy relationships to a variety of Kpop or KDrama stars. Do you know all about their personal lives than you do your own?  Do you know what the acronyms AP , AMBW, and AMFW stand for? Was Bruce Lee your first true love crush? Do use the word Oppa on a daily basis. Have you moved to an Asian country to find your true love or are you considering it. Do you find yourself hanging out in Chinatown a lot. Can you catch flies with a pair of chopsticks? Does your heart melt and your knees go weak when a cute Asian guys smile at you?If you answered yes to most of these questions then congrats you have Yellow Fever. This affliction is both a curse and a blessing.


Asian men can make great boyfriends. They carry your purse, they are loving and very shy.  They are family orientated and will do anything to preserve the family unit. This means an obsession with work but in their culture bringing money in is the way to show love. Sometimes they can be aloof and never express their feelings. Everything is about face. Western and Eastern thoughts often clash. Our societies are wired differently. This being said if you love Asian men you have to know and respect the difference and not expect them to Asian on the outside and Western on the inside.  Now ABCs, CBCs and BBCs as well as Asian born overseas are a different case. 

Many men and women who admire Asians have preconceived notions and stereotypes about Asians. Yes there are cultural norms that do shape their mindset but remember each person is their own distinct person meaning assholeness knows no color. 


I think many people that have Yellow Fever live in a fantasy world. Our expectations are unrealistic. Like my goal of going to South Korea and winning the heart of Rain and being his dog’s mama. Or finding my Asian Prince whose love for me is so great that defies his family and follows his heart. In reality this is a rarity. I have 5 friends that do have successful marriages and relationships with Asian men. Please remember it is not the rule, you might not find your AsianPrince maybe he may come in a different package than what you want.

The biggest con about having yellow fever is that you put blinders on and miss chances of meeting quality men from other races. I think this problem hits close to home. The only men that kickstart my heart are Asians.  Recently I can only look at Chinese men ( I do live here and find their features the most attractive) I have seriously thought what if my soulmate isn’t Asian, will my fetish blind me from finding a loving heart? I am equally attracted feature wise and personality wise to white guys. In fact my first girl crush was  all the members of Duran Duran. I remember seeing that video and thinking thinking they were so cute. Growing up in school I had crushes on white guys. My first Asian crush was Dustin Nyguen. When I first saw him on 21Jump Street,  my jawed dropped. He was the second cutest guy on the show( no one can beat out Johnny Depp)


I am at the point now where I pondering. I think I need to look into the heart of a man. Love is colorblind after all. I really have to evaluate is my love of Asian men more harmful to my love life.  Honestly not many Chinese men approach me nor show interest to me. Except on Momo(social dating app) but anything with boobs and a hole would attract them. So am I narking up the wrong tree?

So yeah Asian boys will always make me turn my head but I will be forever alone if so don’t open myself to other options. When I was younger I was more open minded about who I dated.  If you were kind and made me laugh I went out with them. As I grew older I became more selective. Though in my younger years I only dated white men with a sprinkle of Latino and Asian to add flavoring. I only went out with 3 black guys so maybe I need to open myself up to different types of people. 


I am not sure if this is a means of me giving up on a dream or what. I know Physical attraction is very important but so is a beautiful heart. Is this a preference or am I in fact a closet racist. These questions weigh heavy on my heart. I have been thinking about it when I speak  to The Brits ( my favorite foreign crew) who all suffer from the same affliction.  They all feel it is a preference only and I am over analyzing this. 

The only difference they can date with more ease than I can. Women though themselves at white guys in China. So in their case Yellow Fever is a Pro not a con. My case though it is hard to date, few men in China find my type of beauty appealing. My AMFW friends also don’t have as many issues with their yellow fever there are Chinese men who love white women. With black women or fat women sometimes it can be a con. It is not impossible nothing is impossible but it is a lot of hardworking and you have to be on the top of your game at every moment.

So for me I don’t know if I will get some bumblebee love or not. What I do know is that I am going to open up my mind and heart and let opportunities come to me. I suggest that to all people that have Yellow Fever don’t limit yourself.  Though if I stay in China the odds of me finding Chinese boyfriend will increase. 


Hello, My Name is Amber and I am Kdrama Addict


Yes, I admit it I have a guilty obsession with K dramas. I watch more K dramas than American TV. It began innocently enough about 6 years ago. I was dating a half Korean half white guy. I was having some serious issues with my teaching job back home. I decided that I wanted to relocate to South Korea. He suggested that I watch Korean dramas and it would familiarize me with the language and the culture.


Well I listened to him and discovered Drama Fever. I don’t remember what my first drama was. I just remember the innocence quality and purity of the drama. The acting was superb and I really got emotionally involved with the characters. Also the men are so handsome!! I already had a thing for Asian guys this took it to a new level.  Soon I was having Dramathons and staying up all night.


To me Kdramaland is an escape my reality. A reality that was and still is a bit harsh. When things get bad I just snuggle up with a good Kdrama and live in an alternate reality. I already live in my head in a speacial place that I won’t allow anyone else to enter. Maybe it is a fantasy because reality bites sometimes and can be mundane.



So yeah I escape to my Oppas(even though I am their noona or in some cases their Adjumma(sp) ) fantasize and drool over their beauty and their sweet smiles, their jealous possessive natures,  their quick tempers, their impulsiveness, and their penetrating eyes. The women are spunky, naive, innocent and kind. Some are bitchy and evil but those are usually the second leads. 

Then there are wise, funny grandmas and Grandpas that usually die in the middle of the series. If there is an old person in a drama I try not to get too emotionally involved with them because I know they will die. One of my favorite grandpas was in “The King of High School”


In Dramaland there are chaebol families, conglomerates with letters of the alphabets as their company names, schemingm second leads that are obsessed with the main leads, misunderstandings, cellphones ringing at  inopportune times, someone gets cancers, someone collapses, scheming parents, overbearing parents, walking through traffic, the infamous airport scene, the self sacrificing lover, gender benders ,upbeat opportunistic leading ladies and in some cases time travel.

I have watched a 20 episode drama in one day forgoing leaving the house and watching it on my phone because it is more portable and I can take my dramas on the go. I have to use my VPN to access the dramas because the sites I use don’t have liscenses in China. I actually downloaded two drama apps on my phone for Viki and for Drama Fever. I tend to prefer dramas from Viki. The viewer comments are hysterical. There are some dramas that aren’t offered on Drama Fever but are offered on Viki and vice versa.



List of my favorite dramas( in no order)

1. Rooftop Prince- a time traveling fantasy. The supporting roles are hysterical

2. Queen Inhyun Man- another time travel

3. To the Beautiful You-Gender Bender

4. Heartstrings-A beautiful  love story set with two musicians. 

5. My Girlfriend is a Nine Tailed Fox- This funny drama is a love story though the male lead fears getting eaten by his girlfriend. “Oppa buy me meat”

6. My Princess- Every girl’s dream is to be Cinderella. Well in this drama a women discovers she last in line of the former Korean monarchy and is reinstated.

7. High School Love On- The title sucks. A guardian angel comes to earth and must live as a human because she saves a human life. I love the chemistry between the leads. I really thought the second lead was cute

8. Bride of the Century- look a likes, vengeful ghost

9. Master’s Sun- “I see dead people”

10. Kill Me, Heal Me- Multiple personalities this is my favorite drama with Ji Sung. The leads are amazing actors.

11. Coffee Prince- gender bender tomboy love story. Oh and coffee.

12. My Love from Another Star- Sexy alien love. You are my destiny.

13. Secret aka Secret Love- Can love be spawned from revenge? A gritty story of love, self  sacrifice, betrayal, revenge and renewal. The second leads are among the evilest I have seen up to date. I actually was going to give up on this drama on episode 5 because it was so heart wrenching to watch how the female lead was emotionally and physically abused. I am glad I stuck with it.

14. Sungkyunwan Scandal-gender bender Joseon era drama

15.  Flower Boy Ramen Shop- Noona love story. If I found a high schooler that hot Muhaha!

16. Gu Family Book- A supernatural drama set in Joseon era. Papa Gunimo is freaking sexy as hell. Yummy.

17. Full House- forced to live together housemates .My Oppa Rain is in it. I love Rain.

18 Personal Taste- this hidden gem stars Lee Minho who is mistaken as gay. It is hilarious

19. The Moon Embraces the Sun- historical drama set in Joseon era

20. Playful Kiss- this girl worked hard to make the boy fall in love with her. She broke through his shell.

21.Dating Not Marriage- this is a funny one. Love comes whether you are ready or Not

22. Lie to Me- a pretend fake couple falls in love


In the recent years I have been incorporating some Taiwanese dramas in my drama obsession. My purpose was to help me learn Chinese. I don’t think this  is working because I am too busy  drooling over the male leads. The only thing I hate is the voice dubbing. I hate that many Chinese dramas use voice dubbing actors because they think the voice best fits the characters, well they are very wrong!! The female dubbing voices are freaking  annoying!!! 


Taiwanese/chinese dramas

1. Absolute Boyfriend- the perfect boyfriend that happens to be an android. Jiro Wang is in this movie and he is just so sexy

2 . Just You- this is my favorite all time drama. Puff Guo is so cute and adorable in this drama . Aaron Yan ( so sexy) plays her OCD stickler uptight boss. Polar opposites fall in love.

3. Love Around- Can the son of a gansta find love? This stars Annie Chen and George Hsu.  George Hsu is actually an American. He is a New Yorker. I wonder if fate were different could I have met him on the streets and now be Mrs. Hsu.

4. Substitute Princess- This one is kinda walking on the line of being immoral. A man’s fiancé is injured in an accident and a man finds a look a like for her. She is an ugly duckling that is transformed into swan due to plastic surgery. The creepy factor is when falls in love with the substitute.

5. Waking up Love- I really liked this remake. Roy Qiu(handsome) was in this. Selfish, heartless chaebol loses his memory and finds his hidden self and true love.

6. Fall in Love With Me- Chaebol takes on a new persona and his kinder gentler sides wins the heart of the lead actress. But when love starts with a lie can it be forgiven.

So my dramas help me for a time to live in a happy bubble. Just like life Dramaland doesn’t always have happy endings. I though prefer happy endings. I believe in true love. I hope to find true love in this life time. If not I have my alternate reality to console me. Onward to my next drama maybe one day I can have a starring role in a real life love story albeit the dying grandma and cancer.


Memorable Momo Dates

In my last post, I briefly mentioned the social app Momo. Well Here is a brief post discussing my most memorable dates or near dates

1) The Drive By- This guy bought his car and looked nothing like the picture. The photo was of a more bad boy with tattoos and this one was clean cut. I refused to get in his car. End of date. Mama didn’t raise a fool.

2) Medicine Boy- We never dated. We just chatted on Momo. This was more of a friend thing. He actually lives in my building. Remember that creepy component I mentioned the gps locator. So I told him I was sick. He asked my symptoms and got me medicine from the pharmacy. We still chat occasionally.

3) Engineer- We went on a date and had a nice dinner. His English level was pretty good. I would have liked to have known him better but we lost contact. This was the guy right after Jason and their jobs were very similar.

4) Cellphone Savior- I liked this guy and we had great kissing connection but I think he was a player. He did save my cellphone when I dropped it in my cappuccino. I love taking pictures of my good. I was so nervous on the date that I dropped my cell in the coffee.

5) I Don’t Speak- He was such a nice guy and very cute. He could not speak a lick of English. We used translator love. Really though men and woman don’t speak the same language. I had a lot of fun on this date.

6) I Speak Very Limited English- this guy was in the clothing industry and he was very very attracted to me. All he could say was,”I want you” Well he didn’t get me. Oh and after the date he sent me a picture of himself in a thong. Oh. No thanks.

7) Coffee Cop- he bought me coffee and fruit but I think he wanted more than coffee. He was really cute and well built but arrogant as hell. I hate arrogant men

8) Stalker- I never met him. He messaged me a couple of times. He is one of the reasons why their built in GPS locator freaks me out. I got a random message like I saw you limping when you got off the bus is something wrong with your foot. Or you little white dog is very lovely. He told me he was too shy to show his face. Sweet in a creepy stalker sort of way.

9) Hotel Guy- he lives in an apartment building right outside my community. It is the same building where the hotel is. This guy is always begging me for sex. He is 32 and divorced. Well at least he is honest. I always say no. He contacts me every few weeks to see if I changed my mind. The answer is always no.

10) Momo- some random guy saw me walking on the street said Momo and winked.

11) Creep- This date was because I got stood up and was hungry. I wanted a free dinner. This guy was big for a Chinese guy and not too attractive. He was an arsehole. He asked me if I was fertile. He told me his ex wife was sterile and no good she didn’t like sex with him so she divorced him. Then he told me I couldn’t get dessert because I was too fat. I hated that bastard. Then when we were leaving he was like where are you going. I am like home. I am going to my home and you are going to yours. I think he was on the autism spectrum he had zero social skills.

I went to the same local restaurant with every single guy. It was a place that I felt comfortable and was near my home. I put a hold to dating after that creep. Then I dated a few men I met in real life settings.

I think Momo is worth a try, it will give you memorable dating stories.

How I Met My Boyfriend

I had many readers ask me me how I met Leon. It wasn’t a chance meeting in the rain. Nor were there violins or birds chirping to signify our love. This is the new millennium not the 1940’s.

We met through the power of technology. In China, they have some nifty social apps for your phone. I got introduced to Weixin, while I was still in the states. It is a great way to talk to people in China. Just make sure you get the international version(it’s in English) My favorite feature is the shake feature. If you are shaking your phone at the exact same time as someone else you can get their profile information.


I am honestly on Weixin (wechat) more than I was ever on Facebook. Now that is scary, I didn’t meet my boyfriend on Weixin but I met other men from there. I even had a few dates after that nut ball Jason. Weixin is really more of a social app. I use it to keep in contact with my friends.

So, yes you can get dates from Weixin but I find that people are more interested in friendship on that app. Now let’s move on to Weixin’s evil cousin called Momo. Momo has the reputation of being the hook up app. It is like China’s Gone Wild.

This is the dating app. Now some men on here have no rules of etiquette. It is like hi you are pretty look at my penis picture. For awhile a few of my friends were having a contest who could collect the most penis photos. In the beginning I only got can you teach me English messages. Then the penis came out!

I never really took Momo seriously. Well it was Momo after all. I did get plenty of dates on a Momo and the guys were actually nice except for one. They were all big men online but in person the total opposites. I definitely will post some of my favorite Momo dates in a separate post. Oh and a Momo has a creepy factor. You can find people based on location. I once had a guy on the street look at me and say , “Momo!” So yeah, I am noticeable on that app.

Well after awhile of dating, I got tired. I wanted a commitment. So I took a breather from Momo. This was when Leon contacted me. I had a post about my dog, he simply stated cute dog. I replied thank you.

He didn’t have a photo up so, I thought nothing of it. He commented on a few my post. So eventually we started chatting more often. Then we exchanged Weixins and chatted daily online.

Leon is the opposite of Jason, where Jason was ashamed of me Leon was proud of me. Leon wanted to be in an interracial relationship. He is just that type of guy that prefers foreign women.

So as we talked more feelings grew and we knew we had to meet. So Leon came to visit me in Hangzhou. He lives in Wuhan. It isn’t that close, it is about 5 hours by the fast train.

I have to say we were smitten with each other. My dog likes him too. I don’t want everyone to think this is a fairytale ending. It is not, we have a lot of challenges to face. I went to visit him in Wuhan as well. That is another
Blog post.

Any of my readers looking to chat with Chinese men find the apps I mentioned. Just know that Momo no longer has an English version. I use the Chinese version, it is tough but just press buttons until you figure this out. It is good fun. My friend used Momo in America and found Chinese men there and went on a few dates. So I encourage you to use both apps they are loads of fun. You never know where you will find love.


The Easy Button Doesn’t Exist in China

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I have been on trains before in China and I always kept track of my ticket. However my last trip well, I was careless. At least it broke a writer’s block and I have something useful and informative to post.

I just got back from my vacation. I totally needed some R&R, the summer has been very busy. I went to Wuhan to see my boyfriend( more about that in another post) I was very excited and nervous so when I got my tickets from the ticket window, I slipped them in my passport. Well there was a pushy gentleman behind me and I wanted to get out quickly.

I always put my train tickets in my wallet. I tend boarded the train and used my ticket to Wuhan. 5 hours later I arrived in Wuhan and reunited with my boyfriend. We ate and the I went to my hotel.

I handed the clerk my passport so I could register into the hotel. That is the moment that I believe the chaos began. My boyfriend took me to my room. I was so exhausted that I showered and went straight to bed.

The next morning I decided that , I needed to place my return ticket in my wallet, it was a much safer place. Well much to my amazement , the train ticket was missing. I called my boyfriend and he called the hotel have them check downstairs. There was no ticket. After my Lucky finished work he came to the hotel and the staff looked around again.

Leon called the train station to explain the situation and got the procedures. Guess what it was a lengthy process. There is no such thing as an easy button in Chinese . The Chinese tend to take simple things and make things complicated. It involves bureaucracy and of course a stamp!!!
Step One: Buy a new ticket at the Wuhan train station. They will only print a new ticket if you buy another ticket at full price. Luckily I had a picture of my original ticket( I post my life on social media apps) so I got to keep the same seat. It was a window seat, which are highly coveted in China. Wuhan station could not reimburse my ticket that could only be done in Hangzhou. The new ticket indicated that it was a replacement ticket, Easy button version would be an extra fee for printing up a lost ticket.

Step Two: Find someone wearing a uniform on the train and show them the message that my boyfriend saved on my phone because his silly laowei girlfriend lost her ticket.

Step Three: Find the train boss. In China each train has a manager or 老板. Luckily, the helpful stewardess (is that what they are called on trains?) The boss checked my passport and wrote a receipt and a note and told me to find him 10 minutes before we reached Hangzhou.

Step Four: Search for the train boss. He was in the dining car. He stamped and signed the receipt and took my ticket. He handed me off to someone at Hangzhou train. She also signed the receipt and took me downstairs.



Step Five: Go to the ticket window. I can only go to the north ticket window because they are the only ones that deal with foreigners. The line was super long and it was crowded. The line jumpers were in full force today. I thwarted one line jumper from skipping me. I blocked him off. I gave my receipt , passport and ticket to the girl at the ticket counter.

Step Six: Wait for the girl to call her superiors. This had to get explained to someone else over the phone. It took about 10 minutes.

Step Seven: Get my Refund !!!! That was a lot to do for a 300 kuai refund. The girl kept my ticket and the receipts.

The moral of this story, is never never never ever ever lose any kind of ticket in China.

Jason the Jerk: Signs of an Abusive Relationship

It has been such a long time since I posted a blog. So much has happened too! Like 10 blog posts worth of material. First thing is that I am no longer in Nanchang. I am now in the beautiful city of Hangzhou. It is truly lovely here. I’ll definitely post a video showing everyone the beauty of West Lake.

When I was thinking what to write about. I was tempted to write about a happy memory I have so many of those since moving to Hangzhou. My last post was a sad one. However , I think it is very important to share my experiences about my emotionally abusive ex boyfriend.  Maybe one of  my readers is going through a similar  situation. Hopefully my story will give them the strength to kick the creep to curb.

Jason came sometimes into my life a time that I was extremely vulnerable. I was at my weakest. I just wanted to be loved. In China, sometimes it is difficult  for bigger girls to find love. This is not always the case, my friend and fellow blogger Life Behind the Wall has  to beat them away with a stick. I think we all need  to bottle up whatever  she has.

Back track 5 months ago, I was having issues leaving the university in Nanchang.  They were  making things extremely difficult. They tend  to do that when you are leaving a school. I was frustrated and lost my temper with them. This is a very bad thing because you are labeled as dangerous. There was one foreign  teacher who got so frustrated by them that  he threw a chair. I only slammed a door.

I needed reinforcements to come down to  help me. Someone who knew a great deal about Chinese culture.  A month before my friend intoduced me to this guy named Jason.  Jason was good looking and was attracted to black girls.  He also lived in Hangzhou, the city that I would be moving to! New job, new man! I was so excited. My life was looking a bit brighter.  He even liked dogs. He found a stray dog and  took it in. AWWWWWWW!!!!! Jason was my Prince Charming in my eyes. I took a trip to Hangzhou  to meet him and we spent an amazing weekend together. I was in love!!!!  I already secured an apartment in Hangzhou.  Jason and I decided  to live together,  Oh just a sidenote, relationships in China tend to move rather quickly.

Then shit fit the fan at my school, I needed a clean up man. Well Jason f Jason and Ihe bill. He was Chinese. My friend who knew him told him about my problems that I might have  to go back to America because my school was refusing  to give documentation to me that was necesary to begin the Visa process at my new school. Now my only crime was slamming the freaking door.

So Jason comes to Nanchang bearing gifts  and bribes for school officials. Now the Jason that came to Nanchang was very different than the man I spent hours talking to on Weixin(social app for the phone) H ewas very angry and  a bit mean. I contributed it to the situation.  He negotiated daily with my school  even had  to pay them money. The negotiations lasted for 3 days.

During that time  he lashed out at me because I  did not cook for  him, had  no food in my house(i was moving to Hangzhou in a week). I was a bad housekeeper. He also didn’t like my toy poodle Baobao, who slept on the bed.  I again thought that this was due  to stress and just took all the emotional abuse, afterall this guy, my knight came  down to help  me. He took leave from his job to help clean up my mess.

He helped me  pack my things. Yes,  he got the necesary paperwork for me.  He treated some  of my favorite students to dinner. According to him, none  of these students liked me. He said they told him in Chinese that he can get a better Chinese girl and why would he be with someone like me who was fat and ugly. He then told me that none of them were my friends and that I was stupid to believe that they liked.

When we were on the bus , he  told me many people on the bus thought that I was a man. This continued and escalated as we settled into Hangzhou. Soon he was saying things like no Chinese people actually liked me because I was fat and Chinese people hate fat people. He hated my natural hair.  He really didn’t like the way that I looked. He said that I was lucky that he was patient enough to give me time to fix my flaws. Also everyday he would bring up the Nanchang Incident as proof of what he did for me.

During this time he also began isolating me from my friends.   The friend who set me up with him became public enemy number one. He felt she was a wanton woman. He said that she did not come to help me when I needed help.  He was the only person that I could depend on.  Now 5 months later, I realized that he  was trying to cut me off from my support group. So he could control me. The scary thing is that he almost succeeded. His downfall was that he became  too controlling and mean. In a sense my poodle saved me.

After Peanut died, I got an older dog, a toy poodle named BaoBao. I think he  was over 4 years old. I dressed him up and  he became my close companion. He barely understood me because he only understood Chinese. I loved that dog. Jason started  to beat my dog. He also beat his dog. Chinese people have a different way of raising dogs than Americans, however I still think Jason was extremely abusive. He  would beat them for over 20 minutes until they defecated.

During that period, I hated the person that I became, I did nothing to help the poor dogs. Poor Baobao looked  so sad, his eyes were pleading with me to save him. I was so beaten down, I had no strength. I knew that what Jason was doing was wrong, but was so  emotionally crippled and powerless. I was a  ghost during that time  barely alive. I didn’t want Jason to get mad at the dogs and hurt them. I tried  to cover up for them. One day BaoBao pooped in Jason’s shoes. this happened during Spring Festival. We were both off work. Jason locked the dogs in the cage  for 3 days and would not give them food and water. I begged and pleaded with him. I went to get them water and food. He banged the table and said next time it would  be my face if I did not listen to him.

After that he said he could not have  children or marry someone who loved animals so much. He said it was unnatural and that I would make a terrible mother. He also said that he did not want to have children with me because our child would be stigmatized because they would be half black. He didn’t like the way Blasian children looked. During this time my heart was  turning away from him. This was due  to his ill-treatment of the dogs and my anger of  him causing a rift between my friend. Plus I realized that he  did not love me. Yet he was still there.

Meanwhile i was trying to find a safe place for BaoBao, I failed miserably in protecting him from danger.  I was a bad mom to him. Jason threatened  to kill him. He said one day he would kill the dog and eat him.  Jason and I began to argue constantly, I was fed up with the abuse. after our fights he would leave home for days. . Those days that  he was gone, I felt relief.  The dogs were happy that he was gone.But he always came back. He made a big pretense of leaving me. I found people who fell in love with BaoBao, they also wanted  to take Jason’s dog. I was honest about the level of abuse.  Jason refused to give up his dog. He was not home when i texted him.

During the times he was away, I reconciled with my friends in China. I told my friends everything that occurred with Jason. They idea how intense things got. My divas gave me strength and love. My one friend in Hangzhou never gave up on me.

The straw that broke the camel’s back was when the rent was due. Jason refused  to contribute  any money. In China, you have  to pay 3 month rent in advance. Jason refused to pay a portion of the rent. I was still getting probationary pay, so it would just be enough and i could not have enough to survive. All of a sudden  I saw red. The rent became my sole responsibility! The bastard was on the lease! I broke up with him, I was so upset I told him to leave  and  he refused.  I began hyperventilating. Then he began to at nice trying to get me to calm down. I called my friend and  she said call the police.

Calling the police when you don’t know the language is a harrowing yet comical experience, however there was an officer who knew English and policemen were sent  to my home. I had  to go to the station with Jason and file reports. I told the English-speaking officer all about Jason. My friend who speaks fluent  Chinese also spoke to the officers. Then Jason and the police were talking in Chinese. the officer left us alone  for a bit and Jason said  see look what you done. I answered do not speak to me.

It was agreed that Jason would leave the apartment. He still had a place in another  area of Hangzhou. He took his dog and some of his things. He promised to get the rest of his thing in a few days. This time he never came back.

Fast forward 3 months later. I have rebuilt my life. I got a mini makeover. I am seeing my old friends more often. I began dating again. I have a new puppy named Oreo. Life is good. I am happy with my little life. Well guess who contacted me and wants me  back? I refused. He was in my neighborhood and invited me for breakfast. He claims that  he missed me  and called me 6 times at 5am in the  morning  3 weeks ago. He said missed me. I feel nothing for him, no emotion.  I told him that I threw away his things after he asked me to get it. I then blocked him. Jason has no place in my future.

So readers, I expose myself to you.Please if you are in a similar situation kick the creepster to the curb! Jason used my weakness to control me.

I am more careful vetting my men now. In retrospect, there were signs early on that Jason was an abusive person. I just refused  to see them and I began rationalizing them. Onward to a happier life  for me. I will never lose  sight of myself in a relationship. I don’t ever want that version of Amber to return.

Xiamen Stories:The Family


I have been in Xiamen for about three days and it is paradise. Xiamen is one of the cleanest cities in China. It is so lovely with palm trees and hot tropics. it reminds me of the Taiwan that I see in all those Chinese dramas that I watch online. The people here are friendly and the men here are really good looking. That is another post though.

This post is just to introduce the family that I am living with for this month.  The family name is Lin. It  consists of a dad that is  an architect. He is  also a kind  and  loving husband  and dad. A mom who is  quite beautiful and kind. She listens  to French music and likes wine. She loves being a mother and  she is very good  at it. I enjoy watching her roll on the  floor and playing with her children.  Then there is the grandma and  she is so lovely. She has this air of  poise and  grace.. She  helps care  for the children. I like her alot  too. Then there  is the housekeeper. She doesn’t live there  but stays there  all day and then goes  home. She  is  a good cook and  also takes care  of the  baby. She  has a warm and friendly smile.

The Baby

The Baby

Oh and  baby Lala. OMG so cute and  clever. I so want a baby!! The baby has bells that she  wears on her ankles, so you can hear  her  coming. I like that idea and  she  is always  coming. She  is one  years old.  I gave  her Uni(sorry Lesly) and now  she  is my best friend. I taught her how to say hi and  hello in English. She  already knew bye bye. Now when  she  walks into the  room she  says hello.  I wasn’t  kidding when I said clever!

Last, but not least is Nono; the  10 year  old that I am tutoring. She  is quite outspoken at times. She  is sweet, funny, creative  and clever. I really love  her  personality. She  has  me  laughing all the time.  She loves to pulverize  me in chess. I never  could understand that  game. She  also is  such a doting big sister. I have  already  bonded  with  her. Vivacious  is  the  adjective  that describes  her  best. She  told her  dad that  he  has  to  stop  smoking because the teacher  does not like it!

Nono, the girl I am tutoring

Nono, the girl I am tutoring

I feel  God  has been with me  on his  whole journey  during the  summer. I am learning about myself. In Anhui I rediscovered my heart. In Xiamen I am rediscovering a sense  of  family. I have  not had that sense of  family for over 10 years. After my mom died,  my family became  distant. I truly missed having a family. Their  love and  bond is  so amazing.  I have become very distant in those 10 years. This is  showing me  what love is. The lord is  showing me this maybe  as a means of preparation. Everyday, I am opening up more and  more. Oh and today the  baby only wanted to hold my hand  and not her  daddy’s. That was  too cute.

Loving sisters

Loving sisters

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