She’s baaaaack!!!


Hi everyone, Chocolate Chick in China I back after an overdue hiatus. I was just at a point where things weren’t going well in my life and I didn’t want to turn this blog too EMO. I also got consumed with depression. I had to pull myself out from that. Don’t worry it wasn’t to the degree of needing meds or therapy but I had to really look into myself and be honest. It’s still an ongoing process.  I guess the best way is to write a short numbered synopsis.

Wuxi 

1) Wuxi is a pretty decent city. There are many western conviences like Walmart, IKEA, Subway, Costas, Starbucks and Old Navy. That was one aspect I liked. My apartment was awesome and cute. The complex was very grassy green and beautiful. It felt like a home. There was a gym right downstairs. Also an English speaking spa. I got into weekly massages and facials.

Work

2) Work is where things went south. The campus was beautiful. I arrived with many new teachers they were mostly from secondary. They were all Irish and all mostly couples. There were two Brits that were couples. There was an older American male and female. Soon the cliques formed and I was left alone on the outskirts ostracized. I was also the only black teacher. There were only a few Americans. They were males and had their own lives and wives. The school was a British curriculm school. My co teacher and I butted heads.  It was soon made apparent that I didn’t measure up to their standards. No matter how hard I worked or what I did it was hinted that the American system was inferior ( this attitude was really from my immediate supervisor) so this is when depression hit. I gained weight. Though when things got better I lost weight. Things did get better but well he was on a mission he wanted superior British teachers. So everything was scruntized and he gave harsh critique to my lessons. Everything was my fault. I gained 30 pounds. Finally I tearfully resigned. That bastard smiled like a Chesire Cat. I made friends with many of my western coworkers( the good period) My students did improve though not to what he felt, I developed a bond with the co-teacher. I met some amazing kids but I needed to find a place that I was valued. I finished out the school year  like a good girl. 

Friends

3) Friendship was very tough. I was isolated by co workers. At first I went to the gym but once the stress hit it was hard . Plus that person that made my life hell was at the gym so I stopped going. I finally found a group of outside friends via Facebook. One person wanted to host a Game Night. We met at a local restarant and played games. They became my core group. There was a houseparty that night. I met a slew of other people. These guys were the partyers and they were Americans. Then the bar girl came out. I was getting drunk every weekend. I don’t like to overly drink due to alcoholism being in my family. This also contributed to weight gain. My friend made everything bearable sometimes.


My Dogs

4) Marshmallow Man was very lonely when mommy went to work. He did have an ayi that came and took him on walks at noon. She also cleaned for me. She was a good ayi. An ayi is like a maid. However ayi means older woman like auntie. I am considered an ayi too. Ok so back to Marshy he needed a friend. At first I wanted to get him a girlfriend. He is like any teenage boy. I decided on another boy though because I was not ready to be a grandma. I also decided on the same breed. Bichons are just so darn cute. Grooming is a biotch though. So I named my new son Popcorn. He is a bit cute. My arm is no longer Marshmallow’s humping post. Now his attention is on Popcorn who just takes it. Well sometimes. Marshy is still my favorite but Popcorn is worming his way into my heart. He is not exactly the smartest dog and finally at 7 months he is sorta housebroken. He is an amiable little chap though. My dogs are a great diversion.  

Love 

5) I fell head over heels with a Chinese guy. He is 34 years old. For a time he loved me too. We were very happy together. He is opening an English school. He works with partners. We met because he also volunteers with the Wuxi government in a program to introduce Chinese culture to foreigners.b That’s how I met him. See men can come knocking at your door! Lol. He is very handsome and our personalities clicked. My friend was teaching English Corner for him and bailed so I helped him. As we spent more time together mutual feeling began to develop. When I saw him I was breathless. We were inseparable. He wanted me to meet his parents. If you know anything about Chinese culture then you know that means a guy plans on marrying you. I liked his family. They were nice. Well I guess they didn’t like me enough. His mom could not get pass my appearance. She didn’t approve. We still dated. Then I lost my job. I became despondent and gained weight. I wasn’t the same person that he met. Those reasons made his love fizzle. The love on his side wasn’t strong enough. I was willing to try everything. I was trying to stay in Wuxi to be with him. I even accepted jobs at half my pay to be with him. In the end two well meaning divas gave me real talk. Although I still deeply love him this relationship was not heading to the altar and his mom was  introducing him to new girlfriends. He didn’t love me enough to fight for me. So this was when I made the decision to leave.

Fuzhou Bound

6) Love and bad luck on my search kept me limited in my job search. Primarily I was looking to stay in Wuxi. In fact my boy asked me tearfully to stay. This was before things went bad. I sent out resumes to the local international schools there appeared to be no interest. One liked me but the pay was low and they wanted me to teach religion to kids( some were mainlainders and that is illegal in China) The other only wanted teachers with PYP training. Then the third where all my friends worked was silent. Many of them were confused. There were 3 openings at that school. My resume was solid. Yet nothing. Then someone did some poking around well maybe this is second hand info that a certain someone called that school’s head and told them not to hire me. That certain someone also didn’t give my recruiter in Shanghai information that was needed like reference letter. So  they were not able to place me. So I was not deterred switch to public school ESL. At this point it was becoming apparent that the boy and I could only be friends. He wasn’t allowed to love me because his mommy wouldn’t let him!! This and my diva friends giving me a harsh reality speech that made me cry. Made me open my eyes. My warm and cuddly rainbow and sunshine friend that moved back to the states kept telling me about an international school in Fuzhou that was hiring. Her friend is the principal. It was always at the back of my mind. Finally I decided to  contact him. I contacted him before but I was head over heels in love and my feet weren’t on the ground. I interviewed and the school appears a match. They offered me a first grade position. I told the boy and though he is sad he is very supportive and understands. He did apologize to me. We are still friends. Leaving him was the hardest thing I had to do. As I type this from my hotel in Fuzhou I am excited and scared about this new chapter in my life. I learned a lot about myself during my year in Wuxi. I know what parts I need to work on professionally.  Keep you fingers crossed. I am continuing my apartment hunt. I have to go back to Wuxi and get my fur babies and other things. The boy got a moving van for me. I should be fully situated by August 10th in Fuzhou.

Other News

7) Lucky 7, my niece Caity gave birth to beautiful baby girl. She named her Kaylie. I am in love from afar. I am a great aunt. I am ancient. Is there a cooler and hipper word than great aunt though? Just ugh on that one.

Big Thanks

To my friends who loved and supported me through my rough spots and celebrated with me during the good times. Even though I may not have initially liked what you said you stood your ground. I love and appreciate you both. To my  happy sunshine cuddly friend. You were the kind and listening ear that I needed. I know you are going through tough times to but you listened and delivered advice in an angelic way. I love you for that.

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20 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Ms. Black Expat
    Jul 14, 2016 @ 13:01:12

    Thank you for sharing. I can relate to various elements in your story. No apologies needed for the distance. Completely understandable.

    I can reason very well with your sentiments about being a minority teacher in competition with British standards. I currently teach at a British International school in Uganda. I am the only African American teacher. I was singled out and placed in a different category, forced to compete under their norms. Systematic racism if you ask me…I didn’t comply and fought for what I felt was right. Most of them left in June.

    I look forward to hearing more about your journey!

    Reply

  2. autumnashbough
    Jul 14, 2016 @ 16:41:14

    Wow, you’ve been through a lot! And you survived. Good job. I’m so mad at the Chinese parents of your boyfriends, though. I’m kind mad at the guys, but I get it — the obedience that is ingrained in even Chinese-American kids makes parental disapproval insurmountable even if the guys really loved you. It’s so foreign to my Western thinking that it took me years to accept that Chinese parents really can control their children! (If my family hadn’t loved Andy, on the other hand, I’d’ve told them to do the anatomically impossible.)

    Reply

    • aquariusamber
      Jul 14, 2016 @ 17:43:56

      In a way they saved me because it showed me he didn’t love me enough. It also made me realize it was time to start anew and find a guy that will truly love me.

      Reply

  3. Shernada Theobalds
    Nov 14, 2016 @ 02:55:26

    Hello What part of Fuzhou do you live?

    Reply

  4. Shernada Theobalds
    Nov 15, 2016 @ 15:42:06

    What about you?

    Reply

  5. Shernada Theobalds
    Nov 15, 2016 @ 15:45:10

    Cool! If its not too weird, do you want to meet up sometime? It’s nice knowing there is another black female in Fuzhou lol

    Reply

  6. Shernada Theobalds
    Nov 15, 2016 @ 15:48:43

    Really? That’s awesome! Don’t have it yet…I have to cut my simcard for my American phone.

    Reply

  7. Shernada Theobalds
    Nov 15, 2016 @ 15:50:55

    Reply

  8. Shernada Theobalds
    Nov 19, 2016 @ 15:14:44

    I have wechat now! You can find me by my name 🙂

    Reply

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