All My Bastards

This blog is dedicated  to all the bad eggs that I dated whilst in China. I have seriously not had  positive dating experiences while living here. My fellow blogger My Life Behind the Wall has a better experience. Maybe it was my fault. because I was and  still am an avid reader of her blog. I wish I had  some of the wonderful experiences she  had  in regards  to men, but I am me and  not her.I came here expecting to live a similar lifestyle only  to be sorely disappointed. Many of the same problems with men that I had back in the  USA followed me to China. Honestly here in China skin color and size men a great deal. It is  hard  to be a dark skinned black woman and  to date in China. It is hard  to be fat and  date in China. In order  to do so you have  to bring something special to the dating field. I don’t know what exactly, but I know it has  something to do with self confidence and a great deal of luck. So here is a compilation of all my bad dating stories,


He was a nice enough chap and he really loved me. Well sort of. I think he just needed a warm body next to him. He is the only  one that i keep in contact with. I don’t think he loved me for being Amber. I think we were in love  with the idea of being in love. I really hope he finds love in his life. He was a good man, we just weren’t good together.

Just Sex

This category can be a few guys I hooked up with. A woman has her needs. I like to think of them as disposable people, Some didn’t speak English or some were  boring as hell.

Jason  the Jerk

This prick is  such a bastard that I wrote an entire blog about him and his despicable ways. he wins the all time Biggest Bastard of the Year Award.

30 Seconds of Heaven

Nice guy, I liked him as a person. Sex though was very very quick.

Leon the Liar 

Remember my gushing post about Leon the love of my life? Yeah well it was all smoke and mirrors. One big illusion that he  and his equally treacherous parents concocted  to get their son a one way ticket to America. He was a big scam artist trying to get money from me.  It was an extremely traumatic experience. I was really duped by him. This was when I decided that I am bad at dating and  should have just thrown in the  towel.

Crazy Cannuck

I probably should have  kept that towel thrown in. My friend showed my picture to his Canadian colleagues who happened to like chocolate girls. I have a thing  for  vanilla men so I was ecstatic. Honestly men here don’t think I am pretty or beautiful so after 2 years of being viewed as ugly  there was someone who thought that I was pretty! That made me cling on tooo fast,

My latest picture, this is considered ugly according to Chinese beauty standards.

My latest picture, this is considered ugly according to Chinese beauty standards.

too quickly. I was scared that he would turn like the rest of them and  only like Chinese women. Well in that he felt smothered. He also escaped Canada due  some serious stuff. So he was not ready to date. We both were wrong in our approaches but at least i take my share  of the blame, he  still denies his share and blames me for everything. We ended up hating each other, which is awkward because  we have  the same circle of friends.

Unknown Bastard

I have not met him yet but I know  he is out there if I ever open myself up to  date again. I have to keep dating or I won’t ever find love, honestly right now I kissed  so many frogs that my tongue is covered in warts. I am not optimistic about men and see them all as lying scumbags.

23 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Butterfly Jewel
    Feb 01, 2015 @ 07:03:46

    Girl, just be patient…You’ve had some pretty bad experiences with these guys. If someone doesn’t like you for you, oh well, my dear. They’re not what you need, anyway. Are you kidding me? You are absolutely beautiful! Everyone culture has their preconceived standards of beauty, and every person has their likes and their dislikes. Don’t let that keep you from believing that there’s someone who will love you. You just have to wait a little longer, and let him find you instead of you searching for him. There is someone for everyone!


    • aquariusamber
      Feb 01, 2015 @ 07:09:47

      I am beginning to lose faith. I am getting rejected on 2 continents. I am not the type that men gravitate towards. Meaning the sitting and waiting tactic won’t work. I think the love of my life got run over by a bus or something.


      • Butterfly Jewel
        Feb 01, 2015 @ 09:01:43

        You’re too funny! Don’t worry. There are lots of people that felt they’d never find someone but did. My Korean friend who met a lot of heartbreak has just been proposed, too. A South African friend of mine just came to China to teach and never wanted to marry as her now Chinese husband felt the same way, that was until they met each other. Look at Nick Vujicic. I’m sure a lot of people thought he was destined to live an unmarried life. Try to focus on living life and putting into the world what you have to offer, someone out there who’s going to receive that and love it is going to want you in his life. In light of recent headlines, please do not entertain any idea of marrying yourself…lol. Even if the love of your life got run over by a bus, it’s possible that the injuries he may have sustained were not life-threatening, he was treated successfully in the hospital and has come to a full recovery or an angel shielded him from all hurt upon being hit. 🙂

      • aquariusamber
        Feb 01, 2015 @ 14:24:34

        Here is another one. I think the love of my life got trapped in a condom.

      • Butterfly Jewel
        Feb 02, 2015 @ 03:26:51

        Lol…Oh, lawd, well in that case, he’s gone then. You might have to settle for his brother then. 🙂

      • Piricarmen
        Feb 01, 2015 @ 15:26:33

        Take a trip to Italy. Seriously. You will meet him there. (Just let them know you are American, first)…

  2. Nicole
    Feb 01, 2015 @ 08:37:52

    Awww!! This was funny and sad all at the same time. The right person is out there. Be patient!


  3. Life behind the wall
    Feb 01, 2015 @ 15:32:30

    I’m sorry you experiences haven’t been as successful as mine. However, I honestly think China is a place that makes you really take a look at yourself. It toughens you up and makes you really look inside yourself. Dating isn’t easy in any country. But confidence places a larger role. I have friends of all colors and all sizes that find love here. I think taking time to love yourself more, I’m prove your confidence and self esteem. Don’t let a few bad eggs ruin your happiness. Good luck and never give up on love. Jia you!!!!


    • aquariusamber
      Feb 01, 2015 @ 15:36:32

      I love myself Jo, I really do. I can’t change what others see in me. Confidence I lack but I love who I am. I am just extremely unlucky in matters of the heart. I just wanted to show them the other side of the coin.


  4. Dulce Vita
    Feb 02, 2015 @ 00:41:33


    I don’t know if you remember me (Dulce Vita) but we use to chat on Facebook awhile ago….Confidence girl. You have picked up your life and moved to another country on the other side of the world…..not many people do that and do it successfully. Live and enjoy life girl…..You are young, Black and free baby…..hook-up, flirt, be sexy, but first and foremost be confident of how powerfully sexy you are…(with or without someone to call a boo)….. travel, explore and be happy and I promise you will find something or someone worth while……


    • aquariusamber
      Feb 04, 2015 @ 13:24:08

      Yes , I remember. How are you when will join me and become an expat?


      • Dulce Vita
        Feb 04, 2015 @ 13:51:01

        lol…..I don’t have your confidence with that yet…..but funny enough I am coming to China…China and Japan this summer….a friend and I will be in Beijing for like 4 days, not sure how near or far that is from you but if near then please come hang out with us as we explore the Forbidden city and Panda zoo……I am so excited about the Panda Zoo!!!!

      • aquariusamber
        Feb 04, 2015 @ 14:23:49

        If you want to see Panda’s go to Chendu. I am in South China. Beijing is far away.

  5. jadeblk
    Feb 03, 2015 @ 18:16:40

    You are too awesome to give up. You have no fear girl and the right guy will come. I was in my 30’s before my prince finally rode his ass in on that white horse. lol


  6. megsewing
    Feb 27, 2015 @ 21:05:54

    Hi I used to blog about china way back when and followed you when you started. This post made me have to leave a comment! First you are gorgeous and chinese standard doesn’t even apply to most chinese women!! big eyes, thin and pale skin…seriously, it’s a joke to apply that to the billion or so chinese woman, how can that be the only way to be beautiful!?!?
    Sorry for your bad luck in China 😦 I was pretty lucky and the first guy I met in China was my soul mate and we are now married….but before that I was a dating hellhole! I had completely given up on men. I never even had a university boyfriend and always got entanged with the flakiest, cheapest, most disrepectful dudes who happened to live close to me. So your post really resonated with me lol
    I would say in China the realest men are the ones who don’t speak English! which is a shame for the foreign women. Good luck and keep enjoying your time there xxx


    • aquariusamber
      Mar 01, 2015 @ 04:56:41

      You are right about that, I had the most fun with the guys who spoke no English. It is just so hard lately. I think I dated more when I was heavier. What I lack is confidence, I just don’t know what to use as bait to hook a guy. It is frustrating, the only thing I hate about China is my inability to find a decent guy Chinese or foreigner.


  7. CJ
    Apr 17, 2015 @ 07:15:45

    Sorry to hear about your experiences, I just want you to know that there is hope. I got married to the first chinese guy I met. We were working in the same company in Africa and I was just a naive african girl who didn’t have confidence in a lot of things. Well, he was very educated, perfect English, just an overall smart fella and it was love at first sight for him. He wasn’t looking for a wife, especially over there but the heart wants what the heart wants. Took him a while to think it over and finally decided he couldn’t live without me. I didn’t know it so I was just being myself, otherwise had I known I would have been anything but myself. I can say that no one in my life had ever been so honest and cared for me the way he did. He loved me and I was smitten.
    All I can say is just be yourself, don’t change for anyone, they are the problem and not you. Come to my city and I’ll introduce you to some guys!


    • aquariusamber
      Apr 17, 2015 @ 16:19:58

      I think you need to kiss a lot of frogs to find a prince. My experiences shape me. I would love to invite you to write a guest post expressing in detail how you met your husband.


  8. CJ
    Apr 22, 2015 @ 04:08:04

    Oh I would love to. Don’t know how to go about it though. Please guide me and I will.


  9. CJ
    Apr 22, 2015 @ 05:19:22

    Will do. Cheers Amber!


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