I’m Free!!!!!!!

Ok you Chang Min fans will be bummed, I broke  up with him. So this  love story does not  have  a happily ever after Disney ending. I  don’t know if  I am a heartless callous bitch. I have  been dancing singing and  so happy! Chang Min and I are very  different, I am very  funny loving and he  more like a grandpa. I am friendly he  is  antisocial. I don’t know  if I really loved him in my heart. I think I was in love with the idea of being in love.

I was so focused and intent on having the husband  and the children that I lost sight of Amber. I have  yet  to discover myself  and  love  myself. How  can I love  another  person at this  time? I am in a  brand new  country with so much  to offer and 3 billion men to choose from. I also might have  been desperate  and  just settling because I thought no other guy would find  me attractive  since I gained weight and got  so fat. It isn’t  fair  to him and  it is not  fair to me.

It did  not end  well and I am still trying to explain to him why I do not  want to be  with him. It saddens me a bit me because I know he  is in pain. I hate causing him pain. I have  never broken up  with someone  before. I wanted too remain friends but in this  case it is  not possible, he  just doesn’t understand. I also think that if he  were  truly  honest he  would realize that he  didn’t  love  me, he just wanted  a  wife  and  he just wanted  not  to be  alone.

Perhaps  when I am ready, God will send my soul mate my way. I just  feel  so free and opened to many possibilities that life  holds  for me. I am in a happier  place  and  am losing  weight. I am adapting to china  and  am making friends. I like my school so far and  my apartment.  It is  a good life Chang Min wanted  me to adapt  to his unstable life  and wanted me to break my contract, that was a big red flag.

So I chose me. I choose an unknown but a future  of  possibilities. I know that I made the  correct choice because it feels  as if I have a weight lifted  from over me. So I am free to do what I want, To be what I want. Any old time.

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4 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Shawna Brackens
    Apr 07, 2013 @ 06:01:47

    Amber,   Live well and live outloud. One is a whole number, too!

    Reply

  2. Jen Spatz Grant
    Apr 07, 2013 @ 13:05:38

    Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Reply

  3. SweetTea Cockrell
    Apr 07, 2013 @ 18:44:35

    good luck..

    Reply

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